In his grandmother's arms, at his nanny's nursery ... as soon as you leave him, he's crying as if you're going to leave him forever.
Separation is a difficult learning experience for both your child and you. Beyond the legitimate concerns, we must not lose sight of the fact that these first removals are constructive. Thanks to them, your toddler will invent ways to support them and thus commit to the path of autonomy.
The stages of separation
- Birth marks the first separation, that of with the maternal body. It may not be as traumatic as was said at one time. Especially since ten years, we make sure to place immediately the newborn on the belly of his mother. There he finds his smell and the beating of his heart.
- Later weaningif your infant has been breastfed, will mark a second step.
- During the first months, your baby gradually learns that he does not form a whole with his mother. He will also begin to distinguish the different parts of his own body. It is around 8 months that your toddler has the worst of being separated from you. We are talking about an 8-month crisis.
- In the first year, he realizes that he is distinct from the world around him and that it is composed of objects and people, equally different from each other.
- Later, he will initiate this movement of separation himself and reunion, for example, reaching out to his father when he is in those of his mother. And reciprocally !
A separation ? Quickly a blanket!
- The blanket is for some children (all do not need it) a precious companion to help them separate. This is what the English pediatrician Donald W. Winnicott called a transitional object: he symbolically embodies the reassuring presence of the mother when she is not there physically.
- The lallation (It is the babbling of the infant: crying, shouting, onomatopoeia ...) also has a transitional function. When your toddler pronounces in his own way mom or dad, he makes present, still symbolically, the parent who is not there. It helps him to cope with the absence.